


Lullabies

by audreyoctopus



Series: Crocodile Tears [2]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Book/Movie 2: Catching Fire, Crocodile Tears, Death, District 4 (Hunger Games), Family, Fanfiction of my Fanfiction, Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Rebellion, imma go cry now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:35:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28044771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audreyoctopus/pseuds/audreyoctopus
Summary: Marin Callahan won the 71st Annual Hunger Games, and went home to Minnow and Del. She was happy. But she should have guessed that it would never last.0o0o“You won,” Mags told her, gripping Marin’s face in her hands and kissing her on the forehead. Behind her, Meredith gave Marin a beaming smile. “Sweetheart, you won.”“Mags,” Marin breathed. It had been so long since she had seen her mentors – it was a relief to finally see them in person. They were comforting. “I won.”“Didn’t we tell you that you could do it?” Meredith said, giving Marin a hug. “You can go home to your daughter.”Marin felt her eyes fill with tears. “I can’t wait to see her. I miss her so much.”“Soon, Marin,” Mags said, smoothing Marin’s hair back from her face. "There’s a few more things to get through before you can go home, and they want to keep you in the hospital for another day, just in case – you’ve lost a lot of weight. But soon you’ll see your baby.”0o0oAU OF MY FIC 'CROCODILE TEARS'. YOU SHOULD READ THAT FIRST OR ELSE YOU WON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS.
Series: Crocodile Tears [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2054325
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	Lullabies

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Cold Little Heart by Michael Kiwanuka

“Congratulations on making it this far,” Marin said, gripping her daggers so tightly she would be surprised if they weren’t permanently imprinted onto her hands.

“Thanks,” said Nine, eyeing her suspiciously. His scythe was still gleaming with Natania’s blood, and Marin found herself relieved that the girl from Ten was dead – she was vicious, and she had already bested Marin once, at the Bloodbath. Why not again?

The boy from Nine was tall, and strong, but he wasn’t trained – not beyond the training they had received in the Capitol, anyway. Marin could tell, however, that he was familiar with a scythe – the way he held it told her that he had been using the weapon for many years, probably from working in his district. But could he spar? Marin knew that she was about to find out.

She knew that her best bet would be to put distance between them. She could throw her daggers, she had ten of them and great aim – but a scythe wasn’t a weapon fit for throwing. The only thing was that Marin wasn’t sure whether or not she could outrun him. _There’s only one way to find out,_ she thought, and before she registered making the decision to run, Marin was running as fast as she could.

“Hey!” Nine yelled, from behind her, obviously taken aback at her sudden escape. Marin was glad that she had taken him by surprise – it would give her a couple of metres, at least.

His footsteps pounded behind her, fast at first, but Marin could hear him slowing down. _It isn’t about honour, it isn’t about what’s fair or what’s right, it’s about getting home to my baby._ She reminded herself this before, during, and after throwing a dagger into his head from a distance he couldn’t fight back.

0o0o

“You won,” Mags told her, gripping Marin’s face in her hands and kissing her on the forehead. Behind her, Meredith gave Marin a beaming smile. “Sweetheart, you won.”

“Mags,” Marin breathed. It had been so long since she had seen her mentors – it was a relief to finally see them in person. They were comforting. “I won.”

“Didn’t we tell you that you could do it?” Meredith said, giving Marin a hug. “You can go home to your daughter.”

Marin felt her eyes fill with tears. “I can’t wait to see her. I miss her so much.”

“Soon, Marin,” Mags said, smoothing Marin’s hair back from her face. "There’s a few more things to get through before you can go home, and they want to keep you in the hospital for another day, just in case – you’ve lost a lot of weight. But soon you’ll see your baby.”

0o0o

“Marin Callahan, everybody!”

Marin waved, and smiled at the crowd. “I can’t tell you how nice it is to see you again, Caesar.”

“Likewise, Marin. You were fabulous in the arena – wasn’t she, folks?” The audience cheered. “I was on the edge of my seat, when the girl from Two turned on you – and of course the finale was so exciting! But of course, this isn’t the time to talk about your adventure yet. Without further ado, the 71st Annual Hunger Games.”

The lights dimmed, and Marin sucked in a painful breath as she watched the last few weeks of her life play out on the screen. It was unfortunate that they showed so much footage of her – she would have preferred to remove it from her memory, to forget about it forever. But she did like seeing what had happened to the other tributes – as Caesar said, there were many interesting characters this year. She saw the girl from Ten torture and kill her district partner. She saw the boy from Eleven mastering the tropical area. She saw the girl from Seven in her entirety – a highly intelligent individual who had managed to fool the whole country. _So she wasn’t the cry-baby we thought she was._

However interesting it was to see the arena from different eyes, Marin still wished that she was somewhere else.

0o0o

“There were some very fascinating tributes this year, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Oh, absolutely, Caesar. I mean, the girl from Seven – Johanna – I had no idea until now. Very clever, how she played that, I never suspected her, not once. The boy from Nine was great, the girl from Ten was terrifying-“ at this, the audience laughed. “And of course Vita and Topaz… Solomon…” Marin looked down.

Caesar reached over and took her hand. “I understand that the two of you were close?”

Marin nodded, but she didn’t want to tell them about Solomon. He wouldn’t have died, if it weren’t for the Capitol. They didn’t deserve to know his name. “Yes, Caesar, Solomon was my best friend. I’ve known him since we were kids, we’ve been in the same class at school since we were ten or so.” Marin didn’t mention the illegal training, but she knew that the Capitol knew what she meant. “It was the worst stroke of luck I’ve ever had, being reaped in the same year he was due to volunteer.”

“I’m sure he would be very proud of you,” said Caesar, giving her a tender smile.

Marin smiled – it was easier to smile, so much that her cheeks ached, because if she didn’t, the whole world would see how she really felt. And she couldn’t have that. “Thank you for saying that, Caesar. I hope he knows how proud I am of him.”

Caesar squeezed her hand, before letting go and leaning back in his chair. “Now. I understand you’ve got a very important little lady waiting for you back in Four?”

A picture of Minnow flashed onto the screen, and the audience let out a series of ‘awwws’. Marin smiled at the picture. It was the same one she’d taken into the arena with her, and still brought a sense of comfort to Marin. To her, Minnow’s face meant _home._ “Yes. My little daughter, Minnow. And my sister, Delmare, of course.”

“I imagine the thought of your daughter kept you going, even in the hardest of times?”

“Absolutely,” Marin said, nodding vigorously. “I couldn’t have done it, I don’t think, if I didn’t have her waiting for me. She’s probably very confused as to where I am. The whole time I was in the arena I kept thinking of getting home and making it all better. I miss her so much, Caesar.”

“Do you think she’ll ever go into the Games? Make you and your district proud?”

Marin clenched her fist. “I hope she never has to, Caesar,” she said, picking her words carefully. “I’m very proud of her already, just for existing. She doesn’t need to be a Victor to make me proud. If she grows up and one day wants to volunteer – of course I’ll support her. But I hope she never has to.”

She would later regret those words – she should have said yes, she wanted Minnow to go into the Games. Even if she didn’t mean it, she should have said it. Memories of the interview kept Marin up at night, years after the Games – what if she hadn’t chosen her words carefully enough?

0o0o

Mags and Meredith hadn’t been able to peel Marin away from the train’s window. She had been pressed up against it for the better part of two hours, waiting for the first glimpse of home. Every flash of blue, of yellow, made her heart flutter hopefully in her chest, only for her to be crushed with disappointment when she realised it was actually a tree, actually a patch of wildflowers growing through the tracks.

So when she saw the first glimpse of ocean for real, she could barely contain the excited scream rising in her throat. She bounced from the carriage, shrieking all the way. “We’re here! Mags, we’re here, Meredith! Finnick! We’re home!”

She had run from the train the very moment it had stopped moving, ignoring her mentors as they told her to be careful, to watch her feet. She didn’t care about herself – she was so close to her daughter she could practically smell her, could already feel Minnow’s soft baby skin.

The moment the doors of the Justice Building opened, Marin burst onto the stage, running across it faster than she had ever run in her life, and crashed into the waiting arms of her sister. Minnow gave a shriek of happiness, and squirmed in Del’s arms, reaching out for Marin. Marin scooped her up, and pressed a flurry of kisses all over Minnow’s face. There were tears pouring down her cheeks, and Marin didn’t care that the whole of Panem was watching her cry – she had her daughter back. She had Minnow in her arms again, and that was the only thing that mattered.

“Look at you, my beautiful baby girl,” she cooed, tickling Minnow’s stomach. Minnow giggled, and reached for Marin’s face, trying to grab her nose. “Look how you’ve grown.”

Marin was determined to never miss another day of Minnow’s life.

0o0o

It was a hard adjustment, at first. Though the house in the Victor’s Village was large and luxurious, full of modern technology and comfortable furniture, all three of them longed for their little house by the sea. It was the only home Minnow had ever known, the house where Marin and Del had grown up. It was the house that held all of Marin’s best memories, and she was sad, for a while, that they were no longer allowed to live there.

But after a while, she got used to the new house. It was right next door to Mags’ place, who had become an honorary mother to Marin and Del. She was always over with freshly baked rosemary bread, or a beautifully weaved jumper for Minnow. She became a permanent fixture in their lives, and made the loss of their parents a little easier to bare.

She was like a grandmother to Minnow, who adored her – ‘Mags’ soon became one of her favourite words, after ‘Mama’ and ‘Beach’ and ‘Del’.

Though she still woke in the night, screaming and thrashing around, Marin was as happy as she’d ever been. She didn’t need a house to be her home, when she had three people she loved with her whole heart right there with her. Her people were the only home she needed.

0o0o

The nightmares would have destroyed Marin, if it weren’t for Minnow. Her little girl toddled her way into Marin’s room night after night, and snuggled up to Marin as she screamed. Marin never woke up, but it was as if Minnow’s love was magical – it was as if she had the power to turn nightmares into lullabies. Each morning was the same – Marin woke to find Minnow curled up next to her, snuggled into Marin’s body, holding a stuffed animal to her chest. The only thing that changed was the stuffed animal – Minnow took turns giving them cuddles, so they didn’t feel left out.

Every morning, Marin made sure to thank whatever god was up there for giving her Minnow.

0o0o

She had been warned, of course, what it would be like. How hard it would be, to get to know those children and then send them out to die. Alon and Darya had trained their whole lives for this, but they were still scared. It was hard not to think of herself and Solomon – Solomon especially had regretted his decision to volunteer, Marin thought. And not just because she had been reaped, but because he had woken up to exactly what he had to do. So when she said goodbye to her tributes – both of them only a year younger than herself – it was one of the hardest things she ever had to do.

Marin knew she wouldn’t have gotten through it, if it weren’t for Mags and Meredith and Finnick. The four of them worked as a team, getting sponsors and helping each other through the grief and hoping, hoping, hoping for their tributes to be alright. But only District Two had won three years in a row. Marin should have known that the odds weren’t in their favour. But Alon had been so close – if he had only turned around a little bit quicker.

“Does it get easier?” she asked Mags, after District Two had another Victor to call their own. “Please be honest.”

Mags took Marin’s smooth hand in her own wrinkled one. “No,” she said quietly, wiping away Marin’s tears with her thumb. “No, it doesn’t.”

0o0o

Marin’s first client was a man with a bright orange mohawk. His name was Cornelius. He said he was thirty, but his face had been under so much plastic surgery he could have been ninety and Marin wouldn’t have known. She supposed she was lucky, compared to what some of the others had told her about their experiences – Cornelius had been surprisingly gentle. Still, Marin felt violated. She felt dirty. He was the second person Marin had ever slept with, only this time she hadn’t had the option to say ‘no’. She didn’t say a word to the others when she arrived back at District Four’s penthouse. She didn’t need to – and she was glad that they left her alone. She had gone straight to the shower, where she made the water scalding hot and stayed there until her skin was red raw.

There were others, of course, over the years. Most were men, although there were a few women – it didn’t matter to Marin. She hated them all equally.

0o0o

Nothing and no-one made Marin prouder than Minnow did. Every day her girl became kinder, cleverer, stronger. Watching Minnow blossom was worth anything Marin had endured in the past – Minnow was worth the Games, even. If she hadn’t been reaped, she would have never won, and would have never been able to give Minnow the life she deserved. Marin spoiled her – she tried not to, but it was hard. Minnow’s face lit up whenever Marin brought her home a gift – a new doll, or a sundress, or a necklace made of seashells. Seeing the joy in her daughter’s face made everything alright.

0o0o

“What did he just say… Marin, what did he just say?!” Del was yelling at her, crying, hands clasped tightly around her forearms. Marin dimly registered that she was being shaken, heard Del somewhere in the distance, but everything felt blurry. She felt as if the world was dissolving around her.

She stood up and left the room, heading upstairs and taking a seat on the end of Minnow’s bed. Minnow stirred, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. “Mama?” she said blearily. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, angel,” Marin whispered. Minnow threw back the covers and clambered into Marin’s arms, holding her daughter as close as she could. “I just wanted to see you. Sorry for waking you.”

“Love you, Mama,” Minnow said sleepily. She snuggled closer to Marin, and closed her eyes. Marin stroked back the soft hair on her daughter’s head. She knew that whatever was to come, she had to do it for her daughter.

0o0o

“The female tribute of the 75th annual Hunger Games is… Marin Callahan!”

Marin felt all the breath go out of her. She knew it would be her. Of course it would be her – she had been too outspoken in her victory interview, all those years ago. And Snow probably knew that she was working against him – of course he knew. He knew everything, it seemed, despite their best efforts.

She and Finnick clasped hands, and Marin couldn’t look away from her little family, front and centre in the first row. There was Del, standing strong and sad with Bruce, her husband. And there was Minnow – sweet little Minnow, still too young to understand the gravity of the situation. Again too young to understand why her Mama had to leave her behind.

0o0o

“You know the plan, don’t you?” Finnick said under his breath. It was the first chance they’d had to talk about the Rebellion since being reaped – the crowd around them was so loud that there was no way their conversation would be overheard.

Mags squeezed Marin’s elbow, letting her know that she could hear them. She didn’t say much, after her stroke, but she found ways around it.

Marin tried not to roll her eyes. She knew that Finnick was just as scared as she was – but they had been over it a thousand times. She knew the plan like she knew the back of her own hand. “I know, the plan, Finnick.” Protect the pair from Twelve at all costs. Protect the pair from Twelve even if it meant dying.

Haymitch was under strict instruction to prioritise getting Minnow, Mags, Del and Annie out of the District first. But Marin was still worried. She wanted so desperately to stay home to protect her family from what she knew was coming. War was cruel – they had all been taught that from a young age. Marin hoped that kindness would get her family out of it alive.

0o0o

It had always been about Minnow. Fighting. Winning. Working in the rebellion. Being prepared to die, for an insolent teenager and her puppy-dog boyfriend. Marin knew that. She knew that she was part of something much larger than herself – she knew that she was helping to make the world a better place for her daughter to live in. She was fighting for a world in which her daughter would never have to go through what she did.

It hadn’t been much of a decision, really. She had spotted Brutus and Enobaria following Katniss and Magnolia – what could she do, but try to fight? She had to distract them. She had to let Katniss escape – it was the plan, after all, to get the girl on fire out of the arena alive. Yet again, Marin didn’t have any choice, even though she so desperately wanted one. It had worked in the end, anyway. Brutus died before he knew what hit him. She wasn’t so lucky with Enobaria.

As she lay there dying, on the beach, Marin couldn’t help but regret what she had agreed to. She didn’t want to die… she knew that she had to, for a better world, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to watch her little girl grow up… she wanted to go scuba diving again… she wanted to sing and dance and laugh and feel the salt on her face and the sand between her toes. She wanted to collect shells and go fishing, and she wanted to fall in love with a better man than Morgan. She wanted to be there for Minnow. Marin didn’t want to die.

But she did.

**Author's Note:**

> WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELF OH MY FUCKING GOD, I’M SO SORRY AND I HOPE YOU FORGIVE ME BUT IF YOU DON’T THAT’S OKAY, I GET IT I HATE MYSELF TOO. HOLY FUCK


End file.
